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From: Paul Sterling
Estes Park, CO
Saturday Morning
Howdy
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My name is Paul Sterling, I'm 52 years old. I am
a high school dropout,
have had one divorce and two broken engagements.
So you may be asking yourself why you should
listen to me when it comes to relationship
advice.
That's a good question, because most my life I
was somewhat of a
relationship disaster.
Then on one St. Patty's Day 10 years ago,
everything changed. I was
invited over to have dinner with some close
friends of mine at their
cabin in Raymond, Colorado. It's a beautiful
place, nestled right up
against the river.
They'd been having some real communication
problems and it had seemed like their marriage
was over... but when I arrived, something had
obviously transformed. It was like they'd fallen
in love again. It was
amazing and beautiful -- and I needed to know
exactly what they had
done.
I wanted their secret for
myself,
and I wanted it immediately!
Over dinner they explained what they'd done -
and the information amazed me. They had finally
found a method that
cracked the
communication code between the sexes.
That evening was just my introduction to the
basics. Soon I flew to
Sweden to master the system they had learned -
one created by Dr.
Marshall Rosenberg, a rebel psychologist from
Chicago.
Learning that system and changing the way I
communicated in my
relationships changed my life.
I had been trying everything
for 20 years before that.
I tried the "ignore it and hope it goes away
method." I tried the "complain to friends and
family system." I tried all sorts of advice. I
tried reading books about relationships, like
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
And I
kept trying…
I tried listening to tapes. I tried healing my
inner child. I tried going to workshops. I'd
hypnosis and NLP. I'd tried marriage counseling.
I even tried walking on fire with Tony Robbins,
which was a lot of fun, but wasn't much help for
resolving arguments.
You name it… I had tried it.
And the results were always pretty much the
same…
I would be excited about the new ideas I was
learning but when it came to an upset,
misunderstanding or argument with my beloved, I
would just go back to my old ways of taking
things personally and making them personal - of
verbally attacking my ex and defending myself --
of building a case against her, showing her
where she had gone wrong and why I was right.
Hopefully, this doesn't
sound like a sob story.
I'm just telling you this, so that you can
understand the power of this method. If I can
learn this - a headstrong, high school drop-out
and former Alaska fisherman -- then almost
anyone can.
My story has a happy ending and yours can too.
Don't get me wrong, it's not like my
relationship doesn't have any misunderstandings, arguments or
upsets... and it's not like all
of a sudden the issues that bother other couples
decided to leave us alone.
The difference now is that we have the tools to
handle the issues in minutes rather than days or
weeks and in a way that creates more intimacy,
trust and understanding instead of upsets and
misunderstandings.
Instantly Create Intimacy
and Understanding.
How quickly can you ask four questions? That's
how fast conflicts can be resolved! And they're
resolved at a deep, powerful level. It's not
just a quick fix.
The power of this method is partially based on
its simplicity. The heart of it is four simple
questions that are easy to remember, easy to use
and incredibly effective in increasing
understanding and intimacy while decreasing
stress and conflict.
The thing that has amazed me about this method
is how powerful it works. I have helped couples
that have been arguing about an issue for years
resolve it in 30 minutes. I've help family
members that hadn't talked to each other for
over seven years get back together after taking
just one of our workshops.
It's Like a
"Communication Decoder Ring."
The method is so powerful, your partner will
think you are able to read their mind and
heart... in a good way.
You'll start to notice that the issues that used
to be hard to talk about will start to feel like
a casual conversation... and the scary ones that
you used to run away from, you will now take on
with compassion and confidence.
You'll learn what to say. and. how to say it so
that your loved one will want to listen and
understand you. You'll also learn what to hear
and how to hear it so you don't take what your
partner says personally -- try to defend
yourself or attack them.
Another bonus is learning what not to say and
why, so you can avoid upsets, misunderstandings
and arguments about trivial things without
avoiding the important and stressful issues.
It's like having an Early
Warning System... To Prevent "Upsets"
Discover how to avoid the five most common
relationship-wrecking, intimacy-destroying and
heartbreaking communication mistakes and your
life will change. Once you can easily and
confidently identify and avoid these mistakes,
you won't have to run from talking about tough
issues anymore.
Change Isn't Always Better…
But Better… is Always Change…
The question is what to change and how to change
it to get the love, trust, honesty, intimacy,
open communication… and everything else I want
in a relationship?
There are three main things you can change in a
relationship.
Most people focus on the two that they have very
little power over, and miss a golden opportunity
right in front of them.
When I found out about these, I was stunned. I
could clearly see where I had gone wrong in my
previous relationships.
Warning: before you read these, be ready for a
smack-yourself-in-the-forehead moment.
* 1) Changing your partner -- almost everyone
has tried to get their partner to change. They
try to get their partner to stop doing some
irritating habit like leaving dirty dishes in
the sink, leaving the tooth paste cap off, or
quitting smoking. Have any of those ever worked?
* 2) Change Partners -- when changing our
partner's behavior doesn't work we move on to a
different partner. The divorce rate in America
right now is 74%* and rising. The problem with
this strategy is that we keep attracting similar
partners because we haven't changed.
* 3) Changing the way you relate to your partner
-- this one is less popular but much more
powerful, because you do have control over how
you relate to somebody else now with new tools
and skills. And for those of you who are ready
for the advanced class...
Wow... once I learned this 4 step method, and I
discovered where to focus my energy, life got a
lot easier. When I wanted to make a change in
the relationship I knew what to do. Talking
about important, emotional and stressful issues
that used to stop me in my tracks, now doesn't
even bother me.
But this is not about me.
It's about you.
This four-step, simple method will give you the
tools and skills to bring back the love, trust,
honesty and open communication that most people
crave in their relationships.
And what's more, you don't have to wait a long
time to learn this. The eBook on the five
relationship communication mistakes can be read
in one sitting. It's only 25 powerful pages
long.
But... don't let that fool you. You'll want to
read it again and again to get the most out of
it.
You may also want to download our MP3 files on
the 5 Mistakes, the 4 Steps and the 7 Keys so
you can listen again and again. You'll get a
sort of mental tune-up to keep your relationship
in great shape.
Simple and easy.
Now here is the part that's a little
embarrassing to talk about, but most of us,
including myself, act like a five-year-old when
we are in the middle of an emotionally heated
argument.
Why is this important to talk about now? It's
simple: if the system is too difficult for a
five-year-old to remember and use, it won't do
me any good one in the middle of an upset.
But this system IS simple and easy enough to use
in any situation. In fact, it is taught to
grade-school children in Bosnia, the Middle East
and the US. But it is so effective that
therapists and counselors come to our classes to
learn this method to use with their clients and
their families.
I have taught this method with
raving results to a wide variety people ranging
from at-risk, high school students, to
maximum-security prison inmates, and Buddhist
students, along with therapists, counselors and
even professors... and of course lots and lots
of couples.
Learning Together Is Optional.
Now don't get me wrong: most of the time it's
easier and more fun when your partner learns
this process too... unless less they're totally
reluctant and only learn the process because you
blackmail them by telling them they you'll never
have sex with them again...
But it can be learned by yourself.
Changing the way you relate to your partner will
change the relationship. It's like slow dancing…
if one of you changes the step, then the dance
HAS to change.
Your partner has to do something to accommodate
this change or you'll both fall over.
Isn't it a little reassuring to know that you
can change the relationship without having to
change your partner?
The Relationship Wall.
Some people hid it in a week for some it takes a
couple of months and for my parents took about
20 years... the wall is where your issues and
emotions are bigger than your skills.
And without help… it often ends up in separation
or divorce even though the couple may still love
each other dearly, they just don't have the
skills to work through their problems, and it
becomes easier to end the relationship than it
is to resolve the issues.
The secret to success and happiness is so
obvious that most people don't see it.
It's All about Communication.
If you want to be successful... you have to
learn how to communicate with others. Look at
politicians, salespeople and Hollywood actors.
What do they have in common? They are all great
(at times) at communicating with others.
Now the other half of this formula is if you
want to be happy… you have to learn how to
communicate with yourself.
Look at some of the same people from the above
example or grade at communicating with others
and can communicate with themselves. Some
examples are John Belushi, Otis Redding, Jimi
Hendrix, Janis Chaplin… and look at all of the
politicians and even preachers that are saying
one thing and doing some different.
So Here Are Some Of The Benefits
Learn to trust each other again.
Your
partner will appreciate you and give you
respect.
They
will have a change of
heart.
Your
spouse will trust you and pay more attention to
you.
You
won’t get defensive every time you say or do
things.
Your
partner will sit and communicate with you.
They
will stop blaming you and accusing you for ‘his
issues.’
He/she
will appreciate you more.
Your
partner will listen.
You’ll
stop blaming, and start working together to
correct what went wrong.
Communicate
less defensively.
You
and your partner will have productive
disagreements and conversations without arguing.
Understand each other and stay committed.
Communicate in
ways that don't get misinterpreted
Encourage compassion, love, honesty and
respect.
Who are we,
and why do we have the
knowledge
to deliver this simple,
powerful and effective advice to you?
I'm Paul Sterling,
and after the tragic suicide of my older
brother, I started studying human behavior and
communication... driven by the idea...
“There
has to be a better way!”
I've spent twenty years
studying and teaching communication skills in
government, business and private practice. And
of course, I tried to use communication in my
personal relationships. But it didn’t
always work. In fact, I have one
divorce and two broken engagements under my
belt.
So I always knew I had more
to learn. About 10 years ago I found the work of
Dr. Marshall Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication
(www.cnvc.org). I was amazed at how powerful,
useful and simple it was.
I have
over 10 solid years of training, educating
and teaching myself communication.
I was so moved by this work
that for the last 10 years I have studied
relationship communication. A few years ago, I
blended NVC with systems theory,
neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) and
neuro-associative conditioning to create an
incredibly effective way to compassionately
connect with yourself and others.
Now, I teach this simple yet powerful
communication method to prison inmates, at-risk
students, university professors, therapists,
counselors and, of course, couples – lots of
couples.
Some of the
people we've taught have been so
excited and
really relieved by the results they’ve
experienced, they've e-mailed, phoned,
faxed and
mailed us
these letters:
Paul,
Great call last night! I wanted
to share my feedback with you
I had always learned that people
have needs/ wants, etc. and when
they are not getting them they
can or will behave in certain
ways, etc.
However, what really hit me and
is sticking like glue is that I
now have a way to EXPRESS my
needs and by having that option
it's allowed me to really
examine my own needs. By
examining my needs and feeling
permission to express them I
already feel a shift that i am
more sensative to others' needs.
It's like a weight off my
shoulders!!
I think the Magic Relationship
Method is a great way to not
only communicate what your needs
are but to also come to an
understanding of others and
their needs as well.
The impact was so immediate that
last night after the call [5-4-7
Teleseminar Cal]) this is what
happened:
My mother had called and left a
message so I decided to call her
back. My four year old son
really likes to talk to my mom
especially once he learned that
he could call her Grandma
Cookie. (This is her family
nickname). So we called her up
and when I got a chance to talk
after my son she started
expressing all kinds of hurt
feelings about my older children
not calling her. Instead of
debating or arguing how little
she calls them etc, I realized
that her feeling were hurt and
said ," so what you're saying is
that your feelings are hurt
because Tom and Jess don't call?
She replied, "Yes, I feel like
they don't care about me etc.
etc.
Rather than get defensive I said
that I would let them know that
you need to know that they still
care about you. She said that I
should since I was their dad. I
said I would be willing to do
that. And that was it. We then
moved on to another
conversation.
In the past, I would have said
things like, "Well, you hardly
call them either! They're
really busy and by the way, you
decided to move away from them
and now your complaining that
you don't get to see them."
Wow! I can view this from a
bird's eye view now. This is
great!
I definitely appreciate the info
and look forward to learning
more. I vote for peace!
Ed L.
In love and gratitude
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"Radically Impacted
My Relationships..."
"I recognize how I am
constantly building cases against
people. Just that alone
has radically impacted my
relationships."
Daniela Hess Scholl
Ithaca, New York |
"I feel I can finally
start building a relationship that
was lost between my family, wife,
children..."
"It's not that the
communication was bad, it just
wasn't there. And it's way past time
for me to connect with my family.
And I want to do it the most
effective way possible. Me and my
wife are both going through a lot
right now. We will need all the
tools possible to keep continuing to
grow and understand each other's
needs. Thank you."
Arnie S., Jefferson County Jail |
Henry
and Velina came to a
workshop of ours last
December. They announced on
the first day of the
workshop that they were
going to break up. They
were just going to be
learning how to communicate
better through the
separation. We very much
appreciated their frankness
in this matter.
Henry
and Velina worked hard on
their communication that
weekend. There were tears
and upsets and
heart-to-heart talks. And
at the end of the weekend
they were communicating much
more openly and honestly
about their individual
feelings and needs. They
went home and we didn’t hear
from them for a while. And
then one day I got this
email from Velina:
Subject: Good news
I just wanted to pass on to
you and Paul the good news.
Henry and I have renewed our
vows to each other and
reunited in marriage. We are
using the NVC tools [the
Magic Relationship Method]
successfully and doing
better than EVER! Thank you
guys so much for your
support. I got the business
cards too and will be sure
to pass them on.
We love you!
Velina |
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Dear Paul,
It's Arthur,
literally from the other side of the
world, sunny Singapore. Know
what--metaphorically speaking we're
on the same heart-opening side of
the world....
Your message is so timely. Actually, my
contact with Paul was spot-on
timely. I needed more guidance to
aid my dearest friends in at a
critical time, and then he uttered "magicrelationship.com"
during a certain teleseminar (hey
Paul: the one on webinars!) Well, I
picked it up..
Since then, as
the saying goes, although my heart
knows no bottom: many thanks to you
both, from the bottom of my heart.
Lately, I've
had too much on my plate (or is it
cup stuffed full) and it was hard
dealing with Annie and Flavio who
live some seven hours' flight time
from me in Brisbane, Oz....
Long story
short, I made time to read the .pdf
file once, straight off the screen
of my old iMac and that very
midnight worked with Annie on the
phone. So glad you were right there
for me when I mustered everything in
my heart and mind to help prevent
them from breaking up--which they
had mutually decided to do, about an
hour before Annie phoned to announce
it to me. We spoke, and spoke, and
connected. The stuff we talked
about... I'm sure you've heard it
all over and over.
Here's her
heartfelt email I just picked up
this morning, that I'm happy to
share with you, my partners in
healing. You won't mind that I've
removed identity/address details.
Hi Artie dear
I know that you have been sending much love to both Flavio &
me.
It is not possible in this brief update to be able to explain
all that has happened. It is
however, suffice to say there has
been a change, a positive one in our
relationship.
It was moving and profound and I feel privileged to have been
able to share in a precious moment,
a meeting in 'real love' with Flavio.
Such a trustful and tender moment
has led to a 'new' beginning for him
and so, for us also as a couple.
I myself, have had a realization of a new 'spiritual
awakening'. With this has come the
gentleness, inner peace and a moving
forward in my own spiritual growth.
I am grateful.
must go dearest.
love ever Sis.xx
I've told some
close friends of mine about your
being there for me when I needed it.
Will make more time to view the
video material and work more closely
with you.... :-
Be well. Now I
must reply Annie.
Arthur
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identify and avoid the 5 Mistakes
and test them in your most challenging
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knowing and avoiding them will:
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dramatically
and instantly reduce the number
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That your
only regret will be that you
didn't learn this in school!
If at the end
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skills you have ever learned, just
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2 BONUS MP3s - Over 2 Hours!
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Read on, if
you want more control over your relationship...
You
certainly can't put a price on a great
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you were appreciated for all you do and your
emotions were acknowledged?
Learn how to
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And learn how to listen so that your partner
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You might be
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Just how much do we believe in these
solutions? Got a Tough partner and not
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If
at the end of the 3 months... that's 90 days...
you don't agree that they are
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skills you have ever learned, just let us know and
we will gladly refund your money.
You've got nothing to loose but the arguments,
upsets and misunderstandings themselves!
Click here to have our 25-page eBook and audio files
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Remember, we've
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If these strategies have worked in those extreme
circumstances, you can bet they're going to work
wonders in your life.
Sincerely,
Paul Sterling
|
P.S.
"Insanity is communicating the same way
over and over again, expecting a
different result."
Arguments, intimacy problems, family
feuds as well as problems on the job --
these are most often communication
problems, either with others or
ourselves.
Order the eBook today
and learn that if you...
Communicate well with others,
you can be successful...
Communicate well with yourself,
you can be happy.
P.P.S. "These are either the
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